So in the blink of an eye! I've started bachelor studies wtf.
It's already been 2 weeks since I started. A word - exhausting.
Let this blog entry serve as a reminder to why I should always work hard and how far I've achieved.
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Ever since form 4, being in the first class just makes me wanna work so hard that I change everyone's perspective of me. I succeeded, thank god, and from that day on I kept on believing that I was meant for something big. Hence I took up doing sciences, and was very close to enrolling myself into med school. (too bad fees were too pricey and I love my mum too much)
And then my science foundation killed me. Took every bit of my motivated soul, dragged it across tombstones day by day til I felt like I'm being buried under the soil of my grave and suffocated trying to get out wtf.
At that point, I finally understood the differences between an arts student and a science. I kept comparing my sucky results to fellow arts stream friends and I just break down whenever I compare. It sucks having to cry at your results instead of feeling proud. T___T
just look at my crazy amount of credits and sucky marks sigh. I HIGHLY DISCOURAGE ANYONE WHO TRIES TO GET INTO UNMC'S FOUNDATION.
Anyway I'm sure you guys are aware about how stressed up I was from sep 2013 to dec 2013 so ill just skip that shit.
BUT MOMMA I MADE IT. I PASSED EVERY SUBJECT. while 3 of my friends got kicked out of UNMC cos of their strict "don't fail your resit" rules zz. I am now only left with 1 friend.
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Basically an overachiever. Never settling down for the easy path.
Why nottingham? Why continue the sciences? Why psychology?
Cos kiasu lorh..
Cos I wanna believe that I am capable of doing great things..
And that I outstand everyone else..
#kiasulorh
So I shouldn't be complaining much. More action, less complains.
Officially a (kiasu) bachelors' student!
When I got my timetable, I was extremely happy. NO TUTORIALS, and only 4 lectures (4 subjects) a week. And it doesn't clash w my tuition work. And I have Friday off!!
AND THEN.. Satan said we have to take up additional 20 credits (2 subjects). So I picked "business organisations" and "neuroscience" after much hesitation.
Great. Now I have classes everyday.
AND THENNNNN yesterday I received an email from Satan's little devil that's sitting on his shoulder wtf. I must take up TITAS this sem. And it clashes w my tuition work. And because of that I lose about rm250. T___________T
Suddenly I have 7 subjects for the duration of 12 weeks. SUDDENLY 700 credit hours in 12 weeks. SUDDENLY.
And I don't wanna quit my work. My pay is good and I don't want to burden my boss. So everyday I work from 5-7pm and on some days it'll be 5-10pm.
My Iron Lady mode is on for the last 2 weeks!!! Until I had severe gastric from stress and acne breakout wtf. And on most mornings when I had to wake up early, I just wanna cry.
Idk how long can I hold this for.. But my positive soul (yes I still have 5% left that's out of the grave wtf) told me that I should see my counselor and learn to be happy. I mean, I should be happy.
For goodness sake, my life is perfect! I'm in global's top 1% university, I chose my degree course, I have a good work with a kind boss, I have a great wardrobe and makeup selection, I'm getting a new car soon, I'm buying a new luxury bag soon, I'm getting a new camera, a new iPhone, my friends are great, and most importantly I have a man who loves me for 5 years (and more).
I HAVE NO REASONS TO BE SAD.
BUT I DONT KNOW WHY AM I SO SAD
Sad that my dinner is unhealthy. Sad that my tummy is slightly bigger tonight. Sad that I hve digestion issues. Sad that I can't afford my dream bag. Sad that my mum is sad. Sad that my sis doesn't study often enough. Sad that my sis spends a lot. Sad that paris is already 5 years old. Sad tht my eyes are ugly. Etc. etc. etc.
I JUST ALWAYS FIND THINGS TO BE SAD ABOUT.
I'm never happy or satisfied. I always want more. I crave for perfection, for everything to run my way.
Idk man. Is there anybody else like this out there?
xx.
