Came on to Tumblr and this is one of the first thing I saw:
The above gif just took the words right out of my mind.
Deric said this: "picture a mountain..... the scenario now is that you are at the bottom, climbing your way up to the peak and you are struggling, struggling to walk, struggling to breath.... and me? I'm at the peak, looking over the view and smelling the flowers.
We were talking about our respective courses and my dilemma on whether I should continue studying in UNMC or should I transfer to IMU.
My sister said IMU's life would be so much easier than my current and that I'm more likely to survive there or being top of the class....
But come on... I'm already in the world's top 50 uni T________________T I'm not ready to give that up yet.
Maybe there will come a day where I could balance academic life and social life, both equally well. And maybe I could even find time to get a part time job. (HAR HAR maybe in my next lifetime)
______________________________________________________
My last appointment with the counselor was more easy-going and more of a introductory session. We talked about my many fears in life, and how I'm an unhealthy perfectionist.
We talked about how I'm always jealous of people around me who are at my level or better than me, about how I compare my results to business and arts students, about how I dread for so many things in life and I now realised I can't achieve them, about how I want the world to be peaceful and how I avoid hearing ugly news.
We talked about my ugly childhood, and she semi concluded that may be the reason why I'm the person I am right now.
She asked me to do a favour for her: try to avoid looking at the negative side at things and only look at the positive".
It's day 3 and I am a bit happier, but also you see my sister got 8A's in PMR and she's the newly elected Interact President lol ya I feel a bit jealous now because all my high school life I was thriving to be perfect and to fight for a President post only to have this woman (who has only been in the board for 2 years) to steal that away from me GRACEFULLY then I end up bitch fighting with her my whole life lol ya. Also I was fighting for straight A's all the time and fighting to be nice inside out and fighting to be really smart and cool yada yada...
I was an overachiever and I failed miserably. I learnt my lesson in Form5 and I guess my consolation prize - 10A's for SPM really is the only good thing out of high school (besides having deric of course).
I can't look at the world "high school" and feel happy. I feel nostalgic but I don't feel happy.
High school made me lose all my confidence.
Maybe that's what I should say in my next counseling session...
Gonna try going a bit of maths now. Tata!
xx.
