"Have courage and be kind".
I am nothing beyond of what's expected of me. I am nothing but everyone's idea of an ideal me.
Why are you unhappy? It's all in your brain structure honey. The pill must have given you some hormonal imbalance shit. So go to sleep, it'll be a brand new day.
Is there anyone out there like me?
What to be grateful about:
1. I'm breathing
2. I have working limbs
3. I don't have to do a lobotomy
4. I don't have cancer
5. My parents are alive
6. I have a roof over my head
7. I ate dinner 7 hours ago
8. My boyfriend just said he loves me
9. I can get away without having to say "ily" back
10. I jogged
11. I have legs and the motivation to jog
12. I'm earning money
13. I'm earning enough money to spend money
14. I have nice brows
15. I have makeup, plenty of makeup
16. I don't have to face any enemies
17. For maybe my biggest enemy is my irrationality subconscious and anxious personality
18. Hey look I just psyched myself up
Things to be ungrateful about:
1. I have knocked knees
2. I have hairy limbs
3. I have ingrown hair problems which means I can't wax my hairy limbs
4. I have ugly eyes (what to be grateful about: I have a working cornea)
5. But I have bad astig, and dry eyes, which means I can't always wear contacts, but my eyes are ugly SO HOW WTF
6. My friends don't like to reply me
7. My friends are probably judging me
8. My boyfriend likes to play games and be alone
9. I don't like to play games and be alone
10. I have fat thighs
11. I gained 6kg in the past 3 months
12. My seniors told me that I have a 90% chance of not being able to work in a psych field
13. My dream of becoming a humanitarian-problem-solving-activist/modern rich mother Theresa/science-lady-kind-professional neuropsychologist has gone down the drain
14. Mummy said I can't get married til I'm 30. But I don't want to stay with her until I'm 30.
15. Everyone at home wants to drive my car and they LOVE to step on my gas hard
16. I have a headache everyday
17. I miss having heart to heart talks with people I love
18. I'm wondering if anyone really likes my existence or I'm just here because I'm here
Now I'm about to cry. Next time the unhappy list goes first.
I have such a messed up thought. I don't know why I'm sad. I don't know when will I be sad. Is this how someone with clinically diagnosed depression feels like. I'm sorry, bad comparison. With all due respect to them truly struggling.
Think happy thoughts.
Christmas songs make me happy. I love Christmas.
But then I get super sad thinking how pathetic my Christmas celebration would be..
SEE I ALWAYS FIND SOMETHING TO BE SAD ABOUT.
I need to sleep bye bye. Ted Mosby said nothing good happens after 2am.
xx.
